Random Sports Thoughts

Just for old times sake…

–The PGA Championship starts today, and as we speak, Tiger Woods is 2 under thru 2 holes.  I know last week was a disaster for Woods, but anytime he enters a major he has to be mentioned as the favorite.  I think as he gets more and more used to living in the post-car crash, adultery, world that he has for most of the last year, we’ll see his golf game reach new heights.

Golf, above all else, is a game of confidence and positive mindset.  It’s hard enough for me to play if the group behind me is watching.  Imagine everybody in the entire world watching every shot you take, then ripping open your personal life wide open.  Wide open.  Like as wide open as it could’ve been ripped.

But if he can get used to that, and get past that, his competitive attitude will reappear and his golf dominance will likely continue.  Once he gets one win under his belt, just watch out.  That’s my bold prediction.

–Football seasons coming, which is entirely exciting all by itself, but it also means that fantasy football is coming.  For a lot of us, whose favorite teams are consistently left out of the playoffs and shoved into the top 10 of the draft, fantasy can be a lot more fun than real football.

But the big argument is coming down to Chris Johnson vs Adrian Peterson.  Logic says you should take Johnson, I mean, he is coming off of a 2000 yard season.  But the real reason Johnson should go #1 is because of his 1-year contract he signed this offseason.  The Titans agreed to renegotiate his contract, but only for 1 year to see if he can do it again.  Bottom line, players do 10x better in their contract year.

But!  There’s always a but.  Whether Favre is retired or not, it’s apparent that the majority of the Vikings’ offense is going to depend on Peterson.  He’s wired the same competitive way as so many guys in professional sports, and he knows that everybody is saying CJ2K over him for most drafts and I don’t think anybody would be too shocked if All-Day went for his own 2000 yard season this year.

–We’ll just stay on football for a moment.  Revis’ holdout is a pretty big story, as it should be, but it’s not a huge deal.  He’s a professional, he’s in game-shape.  He can miss all of the preseason and still be the league’s premier cornerback.  However, if he’s not there than the Jets are losing their most important defensive player.

Maybe I’m just naive, but shouldn’t the Jets just give Revis the same 1 year deal that the Titans gave Chris Johnson?  Couldn’t they say, “Ok Darrelle, last season you were thebest cornerback in the league, so we’ll give you a solid 1 year contract, and then if you prove you can do it again, well sign you to a mutli-year mega deal.  How’s that sound?”

Then Darrelle Revis would say, “That sounds good.”

See, I solve problems.  Enjoy some golf and the weekend!

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How will Tiger Woods play this weekend?

Who Won Last Year’s Masters?

*Fictional Story

4/8/10- Matt Driffill

With all of the press coverage of the 2010 Masters being directed at Tiger Woods, it’s been hard for newsrooms to develop other story lines concerning the prestigious event.  A usual feature would be to talk to the defending champion and see how he feels, but unfortunately, nobody can remember who won last year’s tournament.

“Beats me,” said PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem.  “I remember Tiger and Phil were paired.  That was good.  But the winner escapes me.  We definitely handed out a trophy…I think.  And there was the Green Jacket presentation….. Yeah, I’m pretty sure we did that.  Anyways, did you hear Tiger’s coming back?”

The 2009 Masters championship was deemed so irrelevant that its page was removed from Wikipedia.  A Google search of the tournament only reveals millions and millions of sports blogs about how Tiger Woods played, but no mention of who the real tournament winner was.  Even serious fans are struggling to figure out who won the 2009 Masters.

“Hmmmmm….. Was it Ian Poulter? That guy was playing pretty well wasn’t he?” said David Schfred, an admitted golfanatic.  “Ohh noo noo noo, it was… uh…. Luke Donald?”

Even Tiger Woods couldn’t name the man who took home the Green Jacket last year.

“I’m not here to talk about the past,” the 4-time Masters Champion said.  “I’m here to play golf, and that’s what I’m going to focus on this week.”

“i  YO SO ANGEL CABRERA!”  said the 2009 Masters Champion.  “AYE CARUMBA!!!!”

Angel Cabrera Stripped of Green Jacket

*Fictional Story

4/16/09- Matt Driffill

Not only is Angel Cabrera a “master” golfer, he is also a master of deception.  After a PGA investigation it was discovered that Angel Cabrera cheated numerous times last week when he won the Masters Championship last week.

“i Ay Caramba !”  Cabrera said laughing and smiling.  You caught me, you caught me!  I geev!”

It was discovered by the PGA that Cabrera did a number of illegal things during the major championship.  There was video footage of Cabrera kicking his ball to get in a better spot, putting a new ball down and claiming he found his ball when it really went out of bounds, and even flat-out lying about his strokes on certain holes.

“i Oh Dios Mio !” Cabrera chuckled.  “Yo no pienso que.  Los siento.  I didn’t think that I would get away with eet.  I mean I was on the television quite often so I assumed las personas out there would reeeealize that my score did not coincide with my amount of shots.  Shots?  JOSE CUERVO!!!!”

Such a major discovery led to the investigation of Cabrera’s other major championship victory, the 2007 U.S. Open championship.  It was found that he had cheated there as well, but by different means.  He would run up ahead after he teed off and kick his opponents balls into the rough and stole clubs out of other player’s bags when they were shooting.

“JOSE CUERVO!”  Cabrera said.  “I played much better at the 2007 major, so I didn’t cheat for myself, I cheated against other people.  I am kind of triste.  La Jacket verde was a dream of mine since I was a little nino.  Maybe I’ll try cheating better at next year’s Masters.”

PGA Commissioner, Tim Finchem, is currently deciding what to do with this year’s Green Jacket.  Common sense would say give it to the runner-up, Kenny Perry, but Finchem said that just couldn’t work.

“Kenny’s a really nice guy and all, but he’s sort of a wiener,” Finchem said.  “Look at our last two Master’s Champions, Trevor Immelman, and Zack Johnson.  I fear that if we give it to a nobody for a third straight year we could lose a lot of fans.”

There is one PGA tour member desperately seeking this Green Jacket.

“Please give me the jacket,” John Daly said.  “Give me any jacket.  I am out of clothes, money, and even beer.  I don’t have a home.  I’m falling apart.  Please.”