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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! God knows I won’t be writing from now until then


LeBron gets ready for return to Cleveland

The Miami Heat-Cleveland Cavaliers game on Thursday will be anything but routine for either team. It’s LeBron Jame’s first time back in Cleveland since “The Decision” that left most Cavalier hating their former King.

“LeBron James can go fuck himself,” lifelong Cavs fan Martin Gilden said. “Cleveland always sucks at sports, and just when we’re gettin’ good, he fuckin bolts it for South Beach. Fuck LeBron.”

Gilden’s opnion on King James is felt by many in Cleveland who felt betrayed when LeBron made his decision to take his talents to South Beach. But Thursday night’s game offers a chance for fans to tell him how they really feel.

“It’s going to be wild, probably out of control,” Gilden said. “Say what you want about Cleveland sports, but our fans are loyal. And you can bet that when the Heat come into town tomorrow night there’s going to be a lot of noise. There’s going to be rioting, finger pointing, garbage flying. It’s going to get creepy and weird.”

While Cavaliers fans are looking forward to a nightfall of boos and negative chants, LeBron is saying that he “won’t let the haters shake him.”

“If LeBron James let the haters shake him, then the haters won,” James said. “I can’t let the haters win. I can’t let anybody win if it’s not me. Now that I think about it, fuck the Heat. Even if they win, it’s not only me. I gotta figure something out.”

Rumors have it that some NBA teams have inside bets going on in their locker rooms about what kind of game James will have when he returns to the city that once loved him. Shaquille O’Neal expects LeBron to have a big game.

“I expect him to have a big game,” Shaq said.

The Cavaliers have warned fans that security will be beefed up and signs that are too negative will not be allowed into the Gund Arena. However, fans have formulated other plans to get back at the athlete that betrayed their city.

“I was thinking about, you know, how I can show my hatred for LeBron,” Gilden said. “And after a bunch of dumb ideas, a genius idea came to me. Unforuntately, I can’t tell you what it is. You’ll just have to tune into tomorrow night.”